patience.

   Learning to be patient is a never ending cycle. Just when we think learning patience couldn't get more challenging, it does. Each lesson of patience leaves us stronger than we were before. But as soon as we take pride in that strength, there comes a new challenge which humbles us, because we see how much there is left to learn. 

Patience is that lesson we never stop learning. Just when we think we've got it figured out, a new lesson will sneak up on us in the most unexpected way. 

"Don't pray for patience!", they say, because God will trick us into a sticky situation and leave us waiting, struggling through the lesson on our own. True, it may feel that way in the moment, but that isn't the God I know. 

So why does God want us to learn patience? And why does it seem that, when we ask Him for patience, he gives it to us in the form of a challenge -- learning it the hard way?

   I think patience is set up this way to teach us about who He is. And He allows us to go through the times of hardship, testing, trying, exhaustion, waiting, wishing, hoping, disappointment, loneliness, and so on, so that we look to Him for help.

  We've all heard it before: God is love. Well, if He is love, then what does love look like?

"Love is patient." We all know love is a lot more than that, but this one word sums up my point. 

If Love is patient, that means God is Patient, which means He has an endless supply of it. 

So when we ask for patience, what we are really asking for is to be made like Him. 

That is no easy task, transforming from sinful, selfish, human - to selfless, blameless, righteous, holy.

No wonder it takes so long.

I know this: God wants us to be like Him, so we can be in constant communion with Him, like Jesus was/is. It's all about pursuing the relationship. 

So we must get rid of the sin that's blocking the path to that. We've flooded the road with our own self-seeking, lustful, ungodly ways. That's why it has to take time and is challenging. It's not because He tricks us into a lion's den the moment we ask for patience and says "I'll let you out when you've learned the lesson". No, that's what Satan tells us about God. 

God is all about giving. That's why, no matter how hard it might be, I'm going to keep asking Him for patience. Because I cannot make it through this life without. I cannot reach my goal of becoming like Him without His help, His strength, His guidance. I'm lost without the things which make up who He is. Patient. Kind. Not envious. Not boastful. Not proud. Not rude. Not self-seeking. Not easily angered. Keeping no record of wrongs. Not delighting in evil but rejoicing with truth. Always protecting. Always hoping. Always persevering. Never failing. 

 

   Life is a journey of learning this: It's not about me.

Why are those four words the hardest to grasp?

Life is about learning who God is, and who we are to Him--who were were made to be.

Life is about learning what love is. Who love is. That's all.

  I was going to end this by writing about the hard things I'm going through, how each day, each moment brings its own lesson of patience, how God feels distant but I'm choosing to believe He's close. But none of that seems to matter now that I look back at what I've written. It seems that He's always closer than we think, giving us the words where there are no words, leading us when we're not even looking. He is so caring and so gracious, and He always meets us where we are at.

I'm left with nothing but thankfulness. 

Finding Joy in the Day to Day Life

   I woke this morning nestled under my mound of blankets, dreading the moment I would uncover myself and be exposed to the chilly air. Outside my windows I could see that the clouds were a nasty shade of grey, soon to leave everything underneath them wet and cold. 

   Here in New Zealand, the cost of electricity is very high. So, everyone preserves as much energy as possible, keeping warm in the winter by bundling up in layers of cotton and wool, adding more blankets to their beds, and drinking lots of hot tea. It's quite an adjustment to make, coming from America where comfort is more of a nessesity than a luxury. I hold off turning on my space heater til I can hardly bear the cold anymore and I use cold water to wash my hands and dishes. I unplug everything and make sure to turn off every light when I walk out of a room. I don't have a TV or internet. Although it's different, there's something so charming about living simply like this. Entertainment is found in the company of people or by reading a book. I'm more creative minded with less around to distract me. There's more space to think and imagine. More time to pray. 

   This morning in my bed, I had to make the decision to find the joy today holds. I had to choose thankfulness over self pity. I had to shift my focus from "ugh, it's cold and gross, I feel sad, and what is the purpose of today anyway?", to Carpe Diem--I choose to seize this day and expect the best. The easy thing on a day like today is to think about my family and friends in the States, how I miss them, how it's warm there, and so full of opportunities, and feel sad to be away and missing so much there. It's hard to go away. It's hard to adjust here. But I make these sacrifices for the opportunities here, and the joy and experiences to be discovered.

I finally rolled out of bed and got ready for the day when, I heard downstairs, the voice of my dear, 90-year-old adopted grandmother, Anne. She had just hung up the phone after a long conversation, a good conversation at that, because I could hear her humming a tune as she walked through the house. As I made my bed and got dressed I thought about what a privilege it is to live under the same roof as her. She is one amazing woman. So much life experience and with that, wisdom and a softness  that comes from many years spent with the Lord. She's the most energetic, witty, and surprising old woman I know. She drinks from a mug that says "Keep Calm and be a Queen" on it, which is just so fitting, and she is always wearing rose-tinted sunglasses, even indoors.

  Anne trusts me with making her dinner each night, and I so enjoy doing it. Most of the time we will walk to the store together to buy our ingredients. We eat lots of vegetables and she likes to try my "American foods" she hasn't tried before, and I like to experiement with the different fruits and veggies they have here. After we've eaten together, I wash the dishes by hand and she dries them. We talk about life and sometimes dance in the kitchen to swing music.

Oh, the stories she's told me of her well-lived life. Tales of travels, wars, heartache, joy, and love. I could sit and listen to her sweet, shaky, English accent telling me stories for hours... and I do! Just the other night she told me about visiting a friend in Italy many, many years ago, and all the sights she saw. Anne has the most remarkable memory, and can remember details reaching as far back as when she was an infant in the 1920s. Living with her is an adventure in and of itself. It's wonderful to have her by my side for now, to share life's joys and sorrows. 

   My current situation is one that is teaching me more about what it is to put my trust in the Lord. He has never let me down. So when worry comes creeping in as it so sneakily does, I remind myself of His promises and provisions, and turn the worry to thankfulness. 

Right now I am having trouble finding work. I have no source of income but still have to pay the rent somehow. I had work lined up before coming, but since I had to move my date of arrival for visa purposes, things changed. And now I'm left with no options. I feel peace about being here in Oxford, so I know something will turn up for me soon. But for now I'm trying to focus on the work set before me, which is taking care of Anne. I know if I'm faithful in the work given me, things will play out fine. It can be very discouraging, though, having door after door close when searching for work. I've applied almost everywhere in this little town with no luck. But I'm hopeful, and I'm trusting He has a plan bigger than what I can see now. 

 So, friends, if you're reading this, thank you. Thank you for your prayers and your encouragement. I miss each of you and so wish there was some way to make my two homes closer or even in the same place! I will try to write often!

May the Lord richly bless you!